TEN QUESTIONS FROM HELL - CHRISTOPHER LONG
Horror writer Christopher Long, is an up and coming writer from our scariest stable. He scares you with story like The Compressionist And soon to be published dark ghost story, The Final Restoration Of Wendell Pruce. Published by Kensington Gore Publications in June. But before he scares the pants off you all, what scares him? Well, only one way to find out, send him to bloody hell and back.
DO YOU FEAR THE REAPER?
I did. Then Blue Oyster Cult told me not to. These days I find the whole situation very confusing. Is it true they use that song as the hold music for Dignitas?
ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS?
Tempted to go for a Stevie Wonder joke, but can't risk being too repetitive in my career just yet. I'd love to say I wasn't superstitious, but every time I've mocked superstitions I've ended up in trouble. I once walked under a ladder at school and made a joke about it. One hour later, some kid put all the vertebrae in my neck out of joint for no reason at all. I won't even tell you what happened when I ignored the one about black cats. Needless to say, my neck was fine but my garden suffered for a while.
HAVE YOU EVER DANCED WITH THE DEVIL BY THE PALE MOONLIGHT?
Not yet. I've staggered home by it. I've got lost in it. I've thrown up in it. I haven't danced IN it though. Then again, I'm in my thirties and slightly (ahem) overweight. I don't think I'm allowed to admit that I dance in public. I'll get arrested!
HOW MUCH IS A PINT OF BLOOD?
Good question. I think it's around the same price as two little fingers or one big toe. You know, I really need to get a better doctor. Or possibly a better butcher...
DO YOU BELIEVE IN REINCARNATION AND IF SO WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME BACK AS?
I'll believe in pretty much anything if the money is right. If I had to go for reincarnation, I'd want to come back as a raven. Oh, the fun you could have scaring Poe scholars!
WHAT IS THE SCARIEST THING YOU'VE EVER SEEN?
Must. Not. Make. A. Wife. Joke.
Ah, I know! The scariest thing I've ever seen was back when I was a kid. It's a bit long-winded (form an orderly queue to make a joke about my not so 'short' stories). I had a nightmare where I was being chased by this really normal looking bloke. The next day, I was in York Minster with my parents and I hear a voice say 'Hello, Christopher.' It was the same guy! He just smiled and walked away. I still have no idea who he was or how he knew my name. It scared the hell out of me!
WHICH ONE WOULD YOU PREFER TO BE; A VAMPIRE OR A WEREWOLF? AND WHY?
It's going to have to be a vampire. Not because of all that teenage romance nonsense. I'm just not much of a dog person. Also, I have allergies. I'll miss the garlic but I'll have all of eternity to find a decent substitute. Plus, you've seen me. It's not like I'm going to miss my reflection!
WHERE IS THE BEST PLACE TO HIDE A DEAD BODY?
Scarborough. Without a doubt.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT HORROR SEQUELS? WOULD YOU WRITE ONE?
I'LL tell you what sequel I would write. Now, bear with me on this one, because it sounds a bit rubbish at first. Also, you know, spoiler alert. I would write a sequel to the Benicio Del Toro version of The Wolfman. Now, yes, I will grant you that it wasn't a very good film, but think about where it ends. You have the policeman who was chasing AFTER him getting bitten. The policeman who once went after Jack the Ripper. Don't you see what that means?! We can have The Wolfman Vs Jack the Ripper. That has to be a story worth writing!
HAS YOUR WRITING EVER SCARED YOU?
I've written many a cheque that has terrified me, as well as my bank, but story-wise I have written a few moments that have left me cold. The end of The Final Restoration of Wendell Pruce was not something I saw coming, and it left me wondering just what is wrong with me.
Christopher Long has his second scary novella The Final Restoration Of Wendell Pruce coming real soon, to a kindle and book shop near you.
His first top selling The Compressionist is available for your delectation here: